Managing Emotions: How Can I Become More Content in Everyday Life?

Controlling Emotions

Es will einfach nicht so klappen, wie man es sich wünscht. Der Bus fährt einem vor der Nase davon. Draußen regnet’s in Strömen. Die Verabredung, auf die man sich gefreut oder sich vorbereitet hat, wurde abgesagt. Der Hund hört nicht. Der Chef bringt einen auf die Palme. Und ach, heute ist einfach wieder so ein Tag.

I'm going crazy. This can't be true. Always the same crap!

Anyone who frequently deals with emotions like anger, sadness, or wrath in their daily life has a hard time. Because these feelings demand a lot from a person. The good news is: there are methods to transform these strong and burdensome emotions into something positive.

I'm fed up – I just can't take it anymore.

It can be very liberating to simply be allowed to express one's feelings. For some people, it's a strategy to have a good cry—and relieve pressure that way. Others shout loudly and vigorously into the empty space. And all of that is perfectly fine and even healthy. However, it is considered counterproductive to act out aggression freely or to sink into endless, never-ending grief.

I must pull myself together. Otherwise, it will only get worse. But how?

It is more helpful to learn to regulate one's emotions to at least a manageable extent. Because this not only protects others, but can especially help us to infuse everyday life with more positivity.

But how is this regulation supposed to work exactly? It certainly doesn't consist of suppressing feelings and forcing ourselves to "cheer up" when anger arises. Rather, it's about a change of perspective and catalysts. It's about strategies that we train ourselves to use and become increasingly adept at applying them deliberately—for the benefit of a positive mindset and physical balance.

Make the Best Out of a Negative Situation in Three Steps

• Step one: Perception

In the first step, there must be an awareness, a consciousness of the emerging feeling. For example, when I notice how anger is rising in me because my boss once again focuses only on the deficits in my work instead of praising what went well, I make myself aware: Now I am getting angry. And when the rainy weather outside frustrates me, I notice: Aha, the bad weather annoys me. In the case of a canceled appointment, I realize that it makes me sad that this event is not happening after all.

• Step two: Recognition

In the second step, recognition should definitely take place: Yes, I get angry, frustrated, or sad. And that's okay. Because I have my reasons for it.

• Step three: Reassessment

In the third step, a reassessment of the situation follows. And that's the crucial point. Instead of helplessly surrendering to my emotions and giving in to sadness, anger, or rage, I consider which positive aspects this situation might offer me, for example: My boss may criticize me, but in doing so, he pushes me out of my comfort zone. It's raining now, but the sun will shine again soon. The meeting is not happening, which is why I now have the time to do something else enjoyable.

Okay, I take a deep breath, accept my emotion, and now look at the situation from all angles.

Whoever focuses on the positive aspects finds it easier to regulate themselves. Those who can regulate themselves find the peace to think about alternatives: Maybe I should ask my boss for a face-to-face conversation and bring up how his way of criticizing instead of praising demotivates and frustrates me. Maybe I should get myself some nice outdoor clothing that allows me to be out and about even in the rain. Maybe there’s a new audiobook I can finally find time for?

Finally, I have found a way to shed the burdens of everyday life and make room for the good again.

At the same time, it is always important for most people to create outlets for emotions that allow them to release pressure, stress, and anger in a healthy way. Whether preventively or in an acute situation. Initially, we mentioned the example of crying. But meeting with friends, a balancing sports program like boxing or yoga, a walk in nature, or a visit to a spa can also bring our moods into a more pleasant balance.

At the beginning, it was a real challenge and didn't always work out perfectly. But over time, you become a pro.

If you have struggled so far to regulate yourself in stressful situations or to get caught up in moods, try this: For a week, make a point of examining any outstanding and stressful feelings you experience. Apply steps one to three, and it's best to keep a written record of them. And find out if this method helps you turn negativity into improvement as well.

Keep this in mind at the same time: We are all human. And emotions are an inherent part of us. That's a good thing, too. Otherwise, life would be boring.

by Jana Lorenz

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