Self-care in Everyday Parenting: How to Find More Time for Yourself

Self-care in Everyday Parenting: How to Find More Time for Yourself

The laundry still needs to be done, the refrigerator is empty, and the next parent-teacher meeting is just around the corner. You would actually like to read again or go to the movies with friends, but the to-do list just doesn't seem to be getting any shorter. Does this sound familiar? Many parents know this problem of having too little time for themselves.

When you have children, everyday life turns 180 degrees. Between family, work, and household, parents often completely sacrifice themselves and unconsciously put their own needs at the very back. This often leads to mental and physical issues such as sleep deprivation, exhaustion, depression, or concentration problems. This makes it all the more important for parents to regularly take time for themselves. However, a guilty conscience or the feeling of being selfish often ensures that self-care is neglected. Why self-care is especially important for parents and how you can incorporate more of it into your daily routine is explained in this article.

What does self-care mean?

The English word "Self-Care" translates to something like self-care and can have different meanings for everyone. It consists of the words "Self" = self and "Care" = care for, take care of. Self-care relates to all areas of life and affects the physical, emotional, social, and practical levels equally. The principle of self-care is primarily about how a person takes care of themselves, so the focus is mainly on the "self." Therefore, self-care has a lot to do with self-love. It defines how a person can do good for themselves and to what extent they pay attention to their own needs.

Since people's personalities are highly diverse, there is no universal recipe for optimal self-care. However, a fundamental insight always serves as the basis for self-care: it's okay to take time for yourself and make your well-being a priority. Life undeniably changes when you have children, and it's hardly avoidable that some aspects of daily life quickly become unbalanced and neglected. Self-care can help restore this balance.

Why Self-Care is So Important

Why is it so important to take care of yourself? Because it's not just about you! If you don't have enough energy and resources to manage everyday life and take care of your family, everyone involved suffers. So, self-care does not mean that you are selfish, and it should not be viewed negatively, quite the opposite. A popular example to illustrate this is the emergency situation on an airplane: The instructions state that you must put on your own oxygen mask first and only then assist the other passengers. You can only help others and take care of them once you have taken care of yourself.

Self-care also means trusting your own judgment when it comes to balance in everyday life. You alone are responsible for ensuring that you strike the best possible balance between your own desires and needs and the demands of everyday life, as no one else will take on this part for you. Many parents neglect their own needs for a long time and eventually seek fulfillment from others, for example, their partner. Due to this expectation, the responsibility for one's own well-being is transferred externally, which rarely works. The result is often frustration, disappointment, and even more stress. In the worst case, both partners fall short, and ultimately the relationship suffers as well.

Particularly problematic can it become when one parent or even both have not learned to take their own needs seriously, as children observe their parents' behaviors and take them as a model. This often creates a vicious cycle where children later behave the same way and then suffer the same consequences. Therefore, it is important to set a good example for your children and demonstrate a "healthy egoism" to them.

How to Incorporate More Self-Care into Your Daily Routine

If you feel like you're missing out, you first need to figure out what the cause of the imbalance is: What is stopping you from taking time for yourself? There could be various reasons for this. You might find managing the household overwhelming, be constantly exhausted and suffer from a lack of energy, feel guilty towards your family, or have financial problems. All these can be triggers for a lack of self-care. Be honest with yourself and also talk to your partner or family about it, because only this way can you discover what you're lacking and how you can improve the situation.

As soon as the reasons are clear to you, it's important to find concrete solutions. First, decide whether you can integrate more self-care into your daily routine on your own, or if you would like to seek professional help. Especially with psychological stress or severe physical complaints, it can be helpful to seek support.

Consider what could personally benefit you. There are no standards and no rules when it comes to your own well-being and the organization of self-care time. Perhaps you've been wanting to read a new book, exercise, or go to the massage studio for a long time. Maybe you're planning a long-awaited visit to the hairdresser or just a regular nap. Only you can find out exactly what you need. The following points can serve as inspiration:

• Request They ask for help. Find a babysitter or household help. Sometimes friends, relatives, and neighbors can also be involved. Tip: If you are short of money for a housekeeper or childcare, get creative. For instance, you can take turns babysitting with a couple of friends, or temporarily consider other compensations in private settings – like help with something you excel at, something cooked or baked, etc.
• Nutrition is everything. Our body is our engine, and even though it's tempting, refrain from indulging in too many sweets and fast food. If you have little time for cooking, try what's known as "meal prep." This involves cooking and preparing meals and snacks on one day—usually on the weekend—so you only need to warm them up quickly on hectic days.
• Move. Whether you prefer to go jogging, do yoga, or strength training at the gym, exercise reduces stress and releases endorphins in the body. Even a short walk in the park can work wonders.
• Decluttering and tidying up. If living spaces are cluttered with things, this can quickly cause discomfort. Even though it might take a little time at first, try to gradually free your rooms of unnecessary items and tidy up a bit. You'll see that your well-being will significantly improve with the new order.
• Break from the media. Scrolling on your phone and excessive TV watching do not count as self-care time, as they do not provide new energy and do not allow the body to rest. Therefore, during your free time and as often as possible in between, put electronic devices aside and focus on what is happening around you.
• Mindfulness. The internet is flooded with mindfulness trends, but not without reason. Mindfulness means living more in the moment, rushing less, and thinking less about many things at once. Small meditations are particularly suitable for this purpose, which are often available for free on the internet, but even a few minutes of doing nothing a day is enough to reduce stress in the mind. Take five minutes without distractions, during which you - with open or closed eyes - consciously perceive what you are doing, seeing, or hearing, and try to push all other thoughts aside. This can be, for example, in the morning after waking up, while having coffee, or in the evening before you fall asleep.
• Learning to say no. Learn not to agree to everything and everyone, but try to weigh beforehand what is truly important and what would just be an obligation for you. One of the most important lessons of self-care is to distinguish between importance and urgency while setting your own boundaries. Before every appointment and situation, ask yourself: Is it urgent and absolutely necessary to do this now, or can I postpone or cancel it?
• Encourage your children to act more independently. The more your children learn to do things on their own (keyword: "Independent Play") – for example, playing alone or doing something with other children – the more time you can use for yourself in the process.
• Integrate your children into self-care. Self-care also works when others are involved. For example, you can integrate your child into sports, take a walk together at lunchtime, or let your child play on the floor next to you while you relax during a bath.

Last, but not least: Especially at the beginning, stay realistic. Start with small steps that you gradually integrate into your daily routine and try not to make it another item on your to-do list. For example, instead of a two-hour visit to the gym, plan a short yoga session or a workout at home and slowly increase it week by week until you find your balance. Coordinate with your partner to find a good daily flow, because partners also need breaks. Some of these breaks can be planned together if desired, such as evening walks, a shared bath, or a visit to the sauna.

Self-Care as a Single Parent

Especially for single parents, it is often difficult to take time for themselves, as they have no partner with whom they can share everyday tasks. In this case, too, ask family and friends, if available, for help and consider whether you could hire a household help or childcare. What particularly helps single parents are a fixed routine and good organization. Plan all cooking and household activities one or two weeks in advance and organize your appointments clearly, allowing space for breaks. Plan small gaps in between where you can simply breathe, turn off your phone, and do nothing.

The suggestions mentioned above for more self-care also work wonderfully in the case of single parents. Use the time when your child is already in bed, or simply include them in your relaxation time. What also helps: Invite friends, relatives, or other parents for a meal, as shared sorrow is known to be half sorrow. Integrate small workouts or relaxation exercises into your daily routine and write down everything that comes to mind in the evening. This way, you can get rid of all the burdensome thoughts of the day and find better peace.

Fundamentally applies: Understand that your resources are not limitless. Unrealistic expectations about your own performance usually only lead to disappointment and exhaustion. You cannot and do not have to accomplish everything; some things can remain unfinished without the world coming to an end.

famPLUS - Together for your personal PLUS!